Jesus Of Suburbia

I.

I'M THE SON OF RAGE AND LOVE
THE JESUS OF SUBURBIA
FROM THE BIBLE OF "NONE OF THE ABOVE"
ON A STEADY DIET OF SODA POP AND RITALIN
NO ONE EVER DIED FOR MY SINS IN HELL
AS FAR AS I CAN TELL
AT LEAST THE ONES I GOT AWAY WITH
BUT THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME
THIS IS HOW I'M SUPPOSED TO BE
IN THE LAND OF MAKE BELIEVE
THAT DON'T BELIEVE IN ME
GET MY TELEVISION FIX SITTING ON MY CRUCIFIX
THE LIVING ROOM IN MY PRIVATE WOMB
WHILE THE MOM'S & BRAD'S ARE AWAY
TO FALL IN LOVE AND FALL IN DEBT
TO ALCOHOL AND CIGARETTES AND MARY JANE
TO KEEP ME INSANE AND DOING SOMEONE ELSE'S COCAINE

Green Day, American Idiot

Tears for Chalcy

Sometimes, I hate being a girl. PMS sucks ass. Guys, you have to understand, we don't have a choice about how we act during PMS. The all mighty uterus calls the shots then, we are mearly the vessel ofmother natures bidding. Seriously, when I'm PMSing, I cry over anything. I have been crying all day today. It's so stupid. Examples of things that have made me cry today: Showdog Mom's and Dad's (because one of the dogs got hurt and had to have surgery), The Party Planner with Dave Tutell (I was just so happy for them and the great party they had...), trying to connect to the internet (I was having some issues today.), missing the Philedelphia Soul game (which was on Sunday, and I didn't even cry on Sunday. No, I waited a few days. And, the best part is that Jon Bon Jovi wasn't even there this time, so what's my problem.), and my soap opera (although I am really really into my soap, Days, so it doesn't take much.) I wear myself out sometimes.

Phase 1

One day, my young padwan, I shall teach you the ways of the Nersh. Prepare yourself you must.

A Thanksgiving Prayer by William S. Burroughs

"To Jack Dillinger and hope he is still alive.Thanksgiving Day November 28 1986"

Thanks for the wild turkey and the passenger pigeons, destined to be shat out through wholesome American guts.

Thanks for a continent to despoil and poison.
Thanks for Indians to provide a modicum of challenge and danger. Thanks for vast herds of bison to kill and skin leaving the carcasses to rot. Thanks for bounties on wolves and coyotes.

Thanks for the American dream, To vulgarize and to falsify until the bare lies shine through.

Thanks for the KKK.

For nigger-killin' lawmen, feelin' their notches.

For decent church-goin' women, with their mean, pinched, bitter,evil faces.

Thanks for "Kill a Queer for Christ" stickers.

Thanks for laboratory AIDS.

Thanks for Prohibition and the war against drugs.

Thanks for a country where nobody's allowed to mind their own business. Thanks for a nation of finks.

Yes, thanks for all the memories-- all right let's see your arms!

You always were a headache and you always were a bore.

Thanks for the last and greatest betrayal of the last and greatestof human dreams.

Sin-O-Meter 2000

So, I had to research the Kirk Cameron ministry thing. The ministry is called "Way of the Master", (www.wayofthemaster.com), and upon visiting their website you are greeted by Kirk asking you if you are a christian or not, so I choose "no." It then reads:

Almost everyone thinks they are a good person... but the question you should be asking is, "Am I good enough to go to Heaven?"

How would you know?

Good question. So, the Way of the Master helps you out with their version of a Sin-O-Meter by asking you which commandments you have broken. This is one of the funniest quizes out there...seriously. Samples:

Commandment 3: "You shall not take the name of the lord in vain". In which they tell us that

"Hitler's name wasn't even despised enough to be used as a curse word! "

......In defense of my fellow sinners, 'Hitler Damn it!' just doesn't roll off the tongue.

Commandment 7: "You shall not commit adultry". Wow, we're all screwed on this one.

"Jesus warned," You have heard...'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Have you ever looked at another person with lust? "

Come on! What is this...The Minority Report? Now I'm guilty of stuff I've only thought about...that cheats!

So, after my 10 answers of "guilty" the results are as follows:

Does the fact that you have sinned against God scare you? It should.You have actually angered Him by your sin.The Bible says His wrath abides on you, that you are an "enemy of God in your mind through wicked works." (yikes...not good so far!) ...If you've decided to reject the gift of forgiveness and you die in your sins, there is no hope for you. There is no purgatory. The wrath of God abides on you and you will spend eternity in Hell. Please take the time to read what the Bible says Hell is like.

So, Kirk Cameron told me I'm going to hell. Hitler Damn him!