I did really well today. I bet you're proud. Shannon had a party, and that gave me the perfect distraction. I only thought about you twice the whole time we were there. I drank and smoked and didn't think about you, most of the time. I was outside on her amazing balcony... and I looked up and there was Orion. Like always. Our connection to that collection of stars brings me such comfort. I know when it gets dark I can look up and I'm there with you through him. Anyway, now I'm at home, its 3am and I'm unable to stop the memory of that horrible man telling me about you. I think it was around this time of night, or is it morning? What do you call this time of day anyway? I'm listening to NIN now. Yep, I'm really settling into it now. I'm ready for it. I'm trying to turn my thoughts away from the memories of this specific day. Instead I'll remember that horrible pepper martini, sitting on the steps at the pier, our nap in the park, Scooby, our tree, and a million more things too private to share here. After 12 years I have nothing new to say. No new wisdom or peace. I love you every bit as much as I always have and my soul hurts every single day without you. I wish it were different, but it's not. You're one of a kind my love, and I'm afraid no one else will do. So, I'll do what I do every year on this day. I'll go to bed and let myself cry for us. I love you. I miss you.
