I just went back to read what I wrote last year. I was in such a good place then about this. Today, I'm not ok like I was last anniversary. This time I'm angry. This time I can't stop crying. This time it's a lot harder than it's been for a few years. I don't even know what to put in here. This year I just need to buckle down and get throw it. On the 15th, when I celebrate his birthday...it'll be easier. It's easier to remember the good stuff on his birthday, and the rest of the year. Today is nothing but an endless slide show of the day I lost him...and it's like mental torture that my own brain is committing on me. So, today is about masking the pain. So, the plan for attack this year is as follows. I'm going to smoke, smoke, drink, and let my friends distract me from this shit-hole-mind-fuck of a day.
