So, it was my birthday a few days ago. Woo Hoo for me! Spent the night with my mom, and then my friends took me to see Nine Inch Nails. It was such an incredible show! It was everything I wanted from Trent. He sang "Something I Can Never Have", and that's all I could have wanted. He was at a small venue here, so it was great getting so close to him without having to suffer the punishment of the mosh-pit. I'm too old for that shit now...fuck mosh-pits. They hurt. And while we're on it, Fuck people who will mosh at ANYTHING!!! Newsflash dickweed, you don't mosh to The Cure, Smashing Pumpkins, and certainly not Good Charlotte or Yellowcard. Save your 'Tusin enhanced physical thrashing for the Mudvayne show...because I won't be there.
I've got my Entertainment Weekly here....and apparently Anne Rice's new book , Christ the Lord, is about Jesus in his early years as told through his own words. She released a letter saying "For over ten years I've wanted to do this book....What did it feel like to be Jesus? What did it feel like to be both God and Man as a child?...I have attempted something transformative which we writers dare to call a miracle in the imperfect human idiom we possess. It's to bring Him here in the form of a story, and that story is Christ the Lord." Hmmm, that could go either way. She's ventured into religous areas before throughout the Vampire Chronicles, so this book could be really cool. She can also move a little slow sometimes, so it could be really boring. Coming soon to a bookstore near you! (actually not until November) In other news, my sweet baby Chester from Linkin Park filed for divorce, (that's too bad. I hate someone so yummy to be so sad), Tina Fey is pregnant....ooooooh, cute!, Danny Bonaduce has entered an alcohol treatment program (that's too bad. I like him, he's funny. However, let's make lemonade out of the lemons and hope that while he's out Jamie sucks ass on her own on their radio show and gets fired! I hate her! Don't even get me started! LONG LIVE FROSTY AND FRANK!) , Kingdom of Heaven scored a B-, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy scores a B (i saw this and I would give it a B -) , House of Wax gets a C (i would give it a B) , Weezer's new album, Make Believe, gets a B -,
and in sad news to me, Bill Bell, headwriter of Days of Our Lives, died April 29th from alzheimer's complications. As a lifetime fan of the show, and even though he was responsible for the whole Marlena-possessed-by-Satan thing, it was horrible news to hear. He created these characters that who I feel are like family to me at this point. My earliest memory of television is of DOOL. My Great-Grandma used to babysit me when I was little and everyday she would sit down to watch her soaps (she called them her "stories"), and DOOL was her favorite. I can remember Bo stopping Hope's wedding to Larry Welch just in time, and the two of them riding off on the motorcycle....ahhh...good times. My friends make fun of me for getting so into the show, but whatever! I'll watch what I want! The whole reason I got TIVO was for DOOL. I HAVE TO SEE EVERY SHOW! It's dreamy. I've met Peter Reckell (Bo), and Matt Ashford (Jack), which rocked, squared. ...I better stop myself or I'll just keep going. So, anyway, goodbye to Bill Bell.
And a final note: An old friend broke the silence. It's been years since he spoke to me, so I'm not sure why now? It wasn't everything I needed it to be, but I don't think it was about me. It's good to know that he isn't out there somewhere hating me, like I thought before. It reminded me of when RD called me 2 years after breaking my heart. How ironic. It felt the same, physically. I froze, couldn't breathe, talk, process the situation. Why now? Strange. So, I finish with a tribute to the NIN show, RD, and my old friend who loves this song as much as I do.
Something I Can Never Have
I still recall the taste of your tears
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore
Scraping through my head until I don't want to sleep anymore
You make this all go away, you make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing, and I'm starting to scare myself
You make this all go away, you make this all go away
I just want something, I just want something I can never have
You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now
This thing is slowly taking me apart
Grey would be the color if I had a heart
You make this all go away, you make this all go away,
I'm down to just one thing, and I'm starting to scare myself
You make this all go away, you make this all go away,
I just want something, I just want something I can never have
In this place it seems like such a shame
Though it all looks different now
I know it's still the same
Everywhere I look you're all I see
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be
Come on and tell me
you make this all go away, you make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing and I'm starting to scare myself
You make this all go away, you make this all go away
I just want something, I just want something I can never have
2 comments:
I remember when I was a geeky teenager on the cusp of the 90s, listening to that song and pining away for someone (ahem, something) I could never have.
Sigh.
I've pretty much left Trent behind, but I still love that song.
i just found this.
i guess this comment is going to post way after the fact, maybe you'll find it, maybe you won't.
i talked to you because i felt it was time. i talked to you because it was your birthday (technically). and i talked to you because I needed to.
and i'm sorry if you felt that it wasn't what you wanted it to be, but you're right...it wasn't about you. none of this mess was ever about you, it was about ME. i think that's what i was trying to tell you that night. i don't hate you, i never have and i never could...EVER. i will always love you, forever and ever. we're two halves of a whole, remember, that's what margaret said and i believed her. i still do. do you?
as a geeky freshman once said. "people change, i've changed". :) i needed to. i HAD to. i hope you can understand that, honestly.
i don't think i "broke the silence", i think i just reconnected. not a day goes by that i don't think of you, you know there are only things that you'd understand or only think would be funny.
i'm rambling.
YOU KNOW it's not over. it never can be. but...the ball is in your court. things will never be the same, i can't go back there, i won't. just know that the person i am now is not the person you knew then. i can give an explanation, but i don't think need to. i didn't ask of one from you, i forgave you and we moved on. maybe you could do the same for me.
- you old friend.
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